我又哭!

23/1/2010-星期六
晴天

今天去到学校的时间比平常早了很多...
都很早弄好,妹妹说早点去
而这两天...都是妈妈亲自载我们去的
爸爸去外坡听课了...
会一直问妈妈...载了我们去学校他会去哪里?
因为怕妈妈很闷...

来到学校就感觉不像星期六了...今天
因为...有上课~
感觉像一般的日子一样出入校园...
不同的是...今天班上的出席人数少得可怜
9/40~ 很夸张吧
今天完全没什么教书
还带了很多书...都是坐在椅之上呆着的
其他都没有聊天...他们聊他们的
跟他们的话题节律有点不同了...
像...不会解释

今天学校的事情....
这里不想提了...~
没有这个必要吧...~已经够糗了
有时候...
越不想让人知道让人拆穿的东西更是越容易被发现...
今天一切都累得很突然...
从来从来...都没有想过
我会在那么多人当面低头哭泣
我输了...
很难忍受这些!
为什么偏偏是这个时候?

越不想要的...越是会发生
很不幸的...刚好老师一直捉我来问
阿身边人应该会用另一个角度去想吧...
问到不回答就哭...~

















LOVING-RAIN

又是阴天了...

22/1/2010-星期五
雨...即将降临滴在手心上了


生活充实...冲忙
未必是一件坏事...学习新的东西...体会新的感受
像meow sing 整天说所的~
" 生活充实很好咯...不用像一些无谓的东西
  想酱多这些东西,有什么收获?
  不如做多一些有收获的东西..."
虽然...表面上简简单单的几句话~
没有颜色没有很特别...
可是听之后的感觉真的会不同...会站在同意的那一方
人是否应改变下自己的生活?
如果每天过着空虚而自由的日子...是很好
但为什么不去做些有有趣的事情?
至少知道自己在守着自己这一年的时间...
感觉会很踏实...会很满足
每天...自己不补一天的习之后,读了一天的书之后
人会很轻松...很满足~几乎这些全部都是自己亲手亲身去经历的
松松躺在绵绵的床...~躲进暖暖的被窝里
很快的...就这样进入了梦乡


人生有多少天的生命...?没有人知道
有的人成天老是想着什么时候会死什么时候自己的生命会突然结束?
被这些问题捆绑着自己...~透不过气而作什么也心不在焉
有的人没有想过这些问题~
在他们脑海里面的观念"每个人都会有死亡结束那天"
何必自讨苦吃?
把自己弄得如此愚痴


每个人都会死亡嘛...
不知道明天是活着的还是会面临死亡
自己也不知道明天会不会死去...那何必多去想以后会不会死了
连明天也想不通更何必是以后了
爸爸从小教我...
每天早上起来的时候...当把眼睛睁开时候
必须感恩上帝~谢谢上帝因为我今天还是活着的...
欢喜的心情会不愈而来...~
好的一个心情是自己控制自己培养的...包括想法
全部问题都在于自己


接触多礼仪的东西...
人会渐渐改变...
不管在什么问题当中...什么误会当中
错的永远是自己...~! 是自己不够好
很多很多...
学会不让别人迁就你
不应该让别人迁就...应该是自己迁就别人


呼....
我要快乐...~快乐快乐快乐
别人才会快乐
再说...就连我自己
也不能被容易影响了...

虽然情绪很难控制...
人也崩溃了...
补习...我不知道我出于什么方向
我听不明
头脑很乱...
接下来的历史课...也愈听愈糟~
呼...很讨厌很讨厌
怎样....

两天没有见爸爸了...
不知道爸爸会不会像我一样很累了...
我想...还累过我吧...















LOVING-RAIN

Exam... ~ february is coming soon

20/1/2010-Wednasday
rainy day...
the sky was so beauty...


During the SJ exam...
outside window was raining there...
the sky was so beauty...~
the wind is cold... my hand , become cold as ice

at 18/1/2010
the exam was started...~ that feeling was so terrible
before tht day... i felt confuse at all..
just let it fail.. just let it give up at all !
i always feel that
first day... take part in BM and SN exam paper...
same... my hand became cold also... so nervous
the second day, it is EA  and BI
before that night, i just always focus on ekonomi data...!
i was scared ! i scared i can't past it and get better result ...
but... it was worse! i doesn't revision any literature .... just after take part EA paper i just revision BI
it's really worse~
today ...was third day~SJ
everyone was confuse on SJ...~ history...from our malaysia~
it is hard to memories ...
maybe... i'm not interested to it~!
but also have to learn it...~


our class...
everyone also can study better ...learn better~
just ... look different in the class~
sure... majority of people in the class was interested to maths and account
how about me was not same with their all?
i think... is okae.~ i'm not so care about it!
just be your self....!should not be change!
i love myself so much...~
just do... whatever i wan!
"what are you today... is the choice you made that day"
agree for this?
my teacher teacher me before... i like it..~
it 's really like that..~ you can't angry , emotioned anymore...
this was the choice you decide before... no anyone help you~
yes..i do!
i choosen my life now...~
after out of the school... mummy gave me an idea asked me go to teaching kindergarden~
said... i'm friendly to talking to kids~ i think so...~
maybe i will choose it~ another i will go to learn hotel manegement~

majority friends around me... doesn't know what they wan to do after school~
it is no anything can be too nervous! coz you all really have a lot of time to think it...
this years... and after SPM also have three months lets you think..~
why so worried about it...?

we should always keep our sanity ..~ be patient... tolerant
just think it seriously when you're free ...
my mum teach me before ..!
acutually i hope i can do any ambition...~
my mum asked me be a nurse last two week...
oh man... i really scared blood so much!!
how i faced it..?!
haha... sure pengsan quickly la..!


huh... february is coming soon.~
chinese new years too..~
my uncle wan birthday ad... i wan to give him a surprise ~ haha
emm.. chinese new years was not same after my cousin brother leave we all alone~
he go to budha and cut all the hair ~ i'm really miss him..
when we was all in primary school and form one ...
he will fetch we all to anywhere to play... during CNY
but now is not same to before...
happy moment just pass it so fast...

this day beautiful next day will be terrible and scared day

17/1/2010-sunday
summer day

yesterday night ...
we all company daddy go other holyhouse to speak a moral talk...
that time... i'm dunnoe y i will felt like that...
when dads talking on the stage there...
one of aunts always talking talking talking there..
made a lot of noise there... it is so unrespect to the speaker whose speaking on the stage
i hate it a lot...
when dad start to talk until finish the speach ...
she talk when it start until finish too....
man... huh..~
it's amazing...!!
after we went back home... we whole family chating in the living room...
althought it was so tired .... but it's valuable


today...
when i woke up... daddy was went out ad...
he and uncle go holyhouse at "wei xing shi" there painting ...
coz new years coming soon...
dislike this feel.... coz can said..~ every morning or maybe evening and night
i can see him in the house every angle..~!
it 's so happiness~!
after that... i saw mummy open the door ...
asked we both wake up quickly and need to take breakfast with aunts
haha... but both us lazy to wake up especialy sister~
than ...huh wake up need to use half an hour...
haha... so funny

after taked shower...
than... waiting for sister to take bath and also "busy"to her hair
haha... after eat we straight away go grandma house
and on the way to grandma house... daddy called up suddenly ...
asked mummy cook fried rice and for painting uncle and aunts there ..~
so... we just go grandma house and cook all together ~
so happy...
sister cut the ginger and i wash the vege and some more
during cooking all try the taste and made funny there..haha
finished cook... than mummy and brother take the lunch to there quickly..
and i see movie with grandma ,grandpa ,sister and more ~

afternoon during 3'o clock about ...
we all went back and buy some drinking ..
so fast... just went back home...
i just repose on computer room...
open air conditioned ...so relax..~

when i wake up dad and mum was went out again...
dad go other places to give a speach again...
i didn't followed them...
coz..... i sleep
they just write a small paper and just asked we take dinner at all
huh... suddenly feel some regret ~
izzit accutually i need to follow dad they and give a lot of support to him?
izzit?
i think so...
maybe i was wrong again~!
i send a msg to dad during he give a speach ...
i said.." sorry dad... for i didn't followed you and mummy go holyhouse
and no gave you any support before you go~
be a daughter .. i knew i need to do that but i not!
daddy... sorry..~ gambateh.."
i just write the msg easlier ....huh..

later... i became scared again..!
tomorrow i have to face exam...
all at form four..
it is a lot of pressure....~ a lot a lot a LOT
....
i don't hope anymore... coz...
when you have more hopeful now... more disappointed will be after that..~
it's real!!
i reallt dun hope that...
acutually i think before....
can i absance tomorrow... i thinking about it many time...
is many time...
or... can i don write anything on the exam paper there during exam started?
huh... i'm so confuse..
i know.... pressure...~ anyone sure have~ whose not?of caurse yes
i just.... if can hide myself... i can do that~! sure....
i became crazy.. mental .dis !
oh man....
i really scared it ...
more a few hour... just A FEW HOUR! i have to EXAM EXAM...!






















LOVING-RAIN

Full of busy---life~

15/01/2009-friday
it's going to rain now....


this few day...i and my sis cant wake up every morning...
it's too tired of study, tuition and some more~
mummy laughing and said: u two ar... if mummy never wake up ,
also cant wake up then morning how ?
sister answered quickly....: haha...easy la....straight away dun wan go to school~
haha...it's so funny ! ya..if really too tired , straight away dun attend to school~
Although our life changed busy... changed everyday tired~
but... someone make funny there...you will be relax more and laughing there always...
valuable~!


my life really changed~
my attitue really changed~
my mood really changed~
everyday busy ... suffer to study,tuition..
during the time to sleep , repose on the bed~ i'm quickly go into my sweet dream
izzit u all also ? i'm the one!


yesterday... my form teacher ,Puan Rafidah
she asked me go and see to Puan ... oh man...dun know whose furlure that
that time i really ... maybe it's called angry~!
i don't wan take Bahasa Cina at SPM and monthly test....
don'y care how many time you have explain there.... she was not care anymore!
just wanna to see your parents and make sure weather your parents is agree not..
what man..?!
i explain to her at there...how many time..~
when i'm at primary school start to study and until secondary school...
my parents won't come ... did you all know?
the teacher have a lot of nonsence there... man man man
i really dun understand what the teacher doing there~!
if they dun care about it.. i also can do same with thier all!
i dun care the teacher how .. dun care anyone catch me ... can i do that?
y not...
i hate it...

when i back to class... my mood was bad..bad bad bad
just be silent there...
just do homework.. cory notes and more
after that... that chooi may dun know what happen come and played me
i scared it... ! really scare it..
suddenly come behind me and played me...
than just say sorry ....
first you play someone.. and you say sorry after ...
did you all feel so crazy?
aiyor... i just said whatever... dun care it..

emm... than i go yoke ching places to copy notes~
my tears suddenly come out from my eyes...
i can felt my heart was so sour mood...that moment
maybe.... there was no anyone can saw the tears flow on my chicks....
quickly asked wai san to lend me a pieces of tissue..~

sometime.. many things hiding in my heart
i just thinking about it...
if i really say out.. told anyone i was so unhappy and sad...
i think.... no anythings will be changed~
izzit anyone can solve all the problem ? i 'm so sure no anyone ..!

Today... i thought got a volley ball activity after school
i asked vincent last night...~
he was so sure got a activity today
than i keep the sport shirt and prepare all the thing ...
when i was in the class....
someone come into our class and said today NO VOLLEY BALL
what that's means?
i'm so shout!
y like that... after i heard that news....
vincent was no any feeling there..!
man.... what is that?
i started to think... am i the toys to let theis all to played ?
izzit all also like that?
i dun wan think about it...
i dun now what to say..~
what can i say? what can i feel again?
should i trust them again?
maybe ... also my fault...~
y i wan asked them..~
huh... is okae...

at the last... i walked to back home...
first time ..~
first time i walked back to home...~
i'm the one ... worse... person!



so tired.... but i dun wan sleep...~
momday... monday , the exam start
felt nervous...~ suffer to breathe...
izzit important?
izzit hard to face?


this month exam......





i give up....







bye















LOVELY-RAIN

someone absenced today

11/1/2010-monday
rainy day

today i'm late too much...
late more a bit will be late for perhimpunan
after go inside school i straight away go in frant of my class to line up~
to shame.. but my mood is okae..

when i waked up ...
i saw my phone have a new msg~
she no attend to school today... stomuch ache
today whole day..
mood---okae
school work--- okae
tired--- a bit
haha... is a bit funny
i dunnoe i sleeped at science period~ i listening when teaching in frant
but... suddenly sleep~
teaching asked me... he no angry and any bad mood there ...
when i woke up ...from the table~
he was still smiled to me
i was a bit excited..~ teacher ..izzit happy today...
felt curious about it...~

today... i'm felt sleepy whole day at class..~
but just suddenly sleep at science class only..~izzit ..clever?^^
i think so...
remind myself... dun be too presure ~
be relax everytime...~ come on, i'm not children now... need take care myself
MM,BM,SN,BC,EA,PM
this such of subject is my schedule at monday...
except maths period and bahasa melayu period...
other period 's teacher was always complaint about some three furlure..~
always talking at there during teaching was teaching in frant of the class...
some teacher say... they three have their own world there enough and
dun care wether who was teaching there...

i can feel it... teaching was angrying there and felt disppointed...
before that.. EA teacher was like LCM, izzit?~
i think who knew about it , right?... i think so
but when we wanna to go out of class ... teacher was not allowed
just priscilla and mee kee!
both of them run as fast as they can run..haha.~
Puan Amutha was saying some student and i was so shout teacher talking about...
coz.... i thought ~ teacher won't be angry by her attitue~
maybe... it was wrong~
aiyar... don't talk about this again.~
it was bad...~

i no tuition today...
my tuition schedule changed...~
monday, wednesday, saturday and sunday i'm free..~
i wan find something to fill in to my schedule quickly...
i don't wan any free in my schedule, in my life now...~ dislike!!
this afternoon.... one more time pained !
one day... i will be mentally disturb..~ the pain aws gone too damp!
oh man... come on, please get out of my life..~
my life no need you!~
huh... my tolerant is enough....
sometime... when i was nothing to do and free... i will suddenly felt tired...
really tired..! really really...
i just...be confuse sometime..
just be.... regret for my form 4 life..~
all the things will be late now...~

learn more gain more...
i know about this...~
sorry to myself... i no respect myself before...
no respect my life too...

sorry...
HARD-WORKING^^
blekk...---^^

















LOVELY-RAIN

[studying---'s days]

1/9/2010-saturday
summer day


started school....
during the beginning... felt suffer
tuition... do revision...homework
my schedule is full... is full
izzit i can do it?
izzit i can make my life wonderful?
sometime will felt maybe i just suddenly interested at study and homework
sometime will lost all confidence in my own world...
oh man... i should be confidence !
i should be happy!
i should be relax!
i shoud....
i really hope i can do it in short of time...

at this moment...
i really hope i can throw down everything and concentrate on my study...
can i do it?
i really think like that?
oh... maybe i just say whatever...
tuition...
made my life be busy...
i hope my life is busy.. i hope my life schedule is full..
really hope that
before this year... that means last years
i scared maths....
i scared accaunts
i scared all the subjects that i can't do better in the exam
izzit i no pay attention during the class teacher was teaching ...
or i can't understand what they all talking ..discuss about...?
i think so...

i thought the result is not important to ne before...maybe~
but now... i realize ~ the result! is important to me..~! to my life!
y? y i just can be understand ...now?
izzit i was late now?
i think so..
SPM FINAL EXAM is coming soon...!
i just have very shortest time ...! to prepare all the thg i have to do ...
i really confuse...~

life... no anyone can company you to face any problem any result
that you made the choice now! coz,the life is your's !

suffer of studying...~ although it was so hard, but...i really happy...
when i was do correct in the question subject that i can't do before....
i was so excited..!
thanks god..~ you give me a chance! i now you always blessing me..~
anyways... i just hope...~
i can make it all better in my best...~
dun care how about the result after exam...
is that i know~ i do my best! i try my best before the exam
so... i won't regret ~

i hope...i no made any wrong choices now~

in this month...18th
monthly exam have started...
my form 4 basic... worse!
how can i go to exam...?
everytime ..i was so confuse after i took my exam result...
mum always told me... dun be presure~ is okae...
i care about it now...
is not okae now... i care it...!
but.... oh...

my tuition schedule changed...
three days i'm free...
i think... i need to find something to fill it in my free day....
huh... i cryed..~ when i too tired and can't satisfy myself...!
i know... i made my life presure now~ but i belief it was be beautiful life after one day
trust me..!!


try my best...
make it better...













LOVING-RAIN